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You made your bed…. now you have to sleep in it

January 18, 2018

….I don’t know how many times my dad said that to me but until today I never truly understood the reality of it. Earlier today we were making the bed and I was on the last conner of one of the fitted sheets and it was a struggle to get it past that corner of the bed and try as I might I had to stop, sit down and breath. While I waited for my breathing to return to normal I pondered those words my father spoke so long ago.

Granted it is not yet two months since I stopped smoking but come on one minute of pulling on the corner of a bed sheet and lifting the corner of the bed puts me on my ass? Makes me wonder if the struggle of not smoking is worth it when there is nothing to show for your effort. My fathers words echoing down through the decades are reminding me, indirectly, that smoking every hour of every day for 56 years was definitely not a good idea, and that two months or for that matter two years of not smoking will not return my lungs to normal.

Over the years of our lives

we are metaphorically

making the bed of our later years


on this end of the road of life

we must accept what we have done.



No pie in the West wing…. or for that matter my apartment

January 16, 2018

Yes it is remiss of me to be so absent lately from the WordPress blog world and I can offer little in the way of an excuse other than I can’t find my “*pie”. Granted I have been dealing with a number of health issues and a whisper of depression but on the flip side of the coin one finds it hard not to comment on the nuclear false alarm in Hawaii, the shit-hole comment from the President or my Eagles making it to the NFL conference championship.

So since I have lifted the lid on a couple news items let me make a brief comment on them. If whomever pushed the OK button on Hawaii’s text alert wasn’t fallen down drunk, or totally incompetent, when he released the emergency text, he should go to jail for a very long time. I have experienced a false tornado text alert from the town I live in and even though they caught it minutes later it was a nerve wracking few minutes and I can only guess what happened when many Hawaiians saw the alert especially after listening to North Korea promise to destroy us in almost every new conference.

President Trump disrespected the office by making the comment about how people in Africa and the Caribbean are living their lives. That said if we were honest we would have to admit his statement was basically truthful, as seen in the representative picture of a number of inner-cities in either Africa or Haiti below. Religion or moral standards aside many of us have used that word, in fact I have used it to describe some of the places I have had to spend the night, then again I do not represent one of the most powerful nations in the world.

So I will continue to search for the elusive “pie”
and hopefully I will find it
and once again
put finger to keyboard
and deliver a posting worthy of your time.


*The term, ( need some pie ), is from the television series West Wing

and refers to the intangible that the Presidential speechwriter needed

to be creative when writing a speech.


Sometimes when you least expect it….

January 5, 2018

Sometimes when you need a little help finding your way

you stumble across a nugget of gold?

I came across this today as I was reading some of the blogs I follow…..

*click on photo if image is blurry

Where do you want to make you final stand?…. the readers have spoken

December 31, 2017

Unexpected and surprising was what I felt when I read the first comments on my last post about my  month of not smoking. No don’t get me wrong it was a good surprise probably even a great one because it was as refreshing as a glass of ice water on a hot Texas summer day. Words written by one who follows my postings was echoed by a second reader and it was definitely a well received surprise.

The first comment came from Fred when he wrote, “Good luck on your choice of path….I know which fork I’d take. This question I ask may shock some younger folk…but this is reality….Where do you want to be when you pass (as in kick the bucket…croak….buy the farm….etc) ???” and echoed by Michael when he wrote, “Fred is right. Where do you want to make you final stand?”.

Now I have gone down this path a number of times but as the years accumulate and the body tends to weaken it becomes more ‘real’ as the years pass so revisiting it again with a view to this being the last move I will ever make tends to put an additional weight on ones shoulders. This additional pressure, at times, made me wish I was a young child so I could try and have my decision both ways, but as most adults know you can’t. I sit here typing and miss that majestic wilderness environment I lived in and yearn for the ‘last frontier’ mentality held closely by those I knew, but I now also see that this body is now more accustomed to walking/hiking on concrete that muskeg and unabashedly looks forward to a hot shower whenever I want one.

The coin now turning in my hand and my mind reveals the other side with its months of roads covered in ice and temperatures so cold that the air itself stings the skin and breathing burns ones lungs. In Texas we of course do not expect to open our front door and find a black bear there to greet us but then again in Texas one can roam the shores of nearby lakes and streams without having our blood drained by Alaska’s infamous mosquitoes. So like most things in life one must keep things in balance and not look for a perfect situation.

For those who do not believe in life after death
I leave you with these words written by William Shakespeare
in Macbeth act 5 scene 5 where he describes
what he sees life is all about

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.


*Just a note…. The comment from Michael about where do I want to make my final stand instantly had me thinking of a old Steven King book and TV program the Stand, which incidentally has a tenuous link to what we are talking about here.   *And a second note…. The quote ending this posting by Shakespeare written in the late fifteen hundreds and memorized by me almost 55 years ago pretty much sums up every person on this planets life if you do not believe in an afterlife or God, and doesn’t that in itself provide impetus for a heaven, hell and supreme being?

One month smoke free…. so what?

December 28, 2017

….it is really weird because now with one month of not smoking under my belt I am getting more frequent and stronger urges to smoke than when I first quit. The urges are followed by thoughts that stopping is not making any physical difference or it is only $300 a month saved, not enough to get excited about. The battle goes on and who knows how it will be in the end all I know is that by now your tired of thirty days of blogs about the ups and downs of a reformed nicotine junkie and its time to look to the new year and which path I will take.

I think I’ve made my decision on which path to follow…. one way is ensconced in security and comfort surrounded by nearby civilization while the other promising nothing but a more basic way of life away from any pretense of modern civilization. Now I having spent two hot summers in Texas have found that my blood runs cold when it is barely un-warm whereas for almost two decades when the temperature was 20 or 30 my mind would wonder to hours spent on the banks of a stream chasing a fish who had long ago learned to ignore man made lures.

I also have become accustomed to a nearby supermarket where I no longer agonize over writing a supply list for a twice a month three hour drive to town to resupply. Instead I now barely think in terms of a few days ahead when it comes to my provisions. When you add all this to water and electricity at the wave of a hand and not only a year round refrigerator but hot running water whenever I want it and you have a situation where any normal person would think you crazy to leave.

But I have never been known to be sane in the sense of fitting in to civilized life, after all I have my whole life been just a tad off center when looking at what made me content. Yes my body is now turned like a human compass and has started pointing toward the Northerly path, now one must simply decide what is the best choice before taking that first step.

Human compass pointing North
magnetic attraction of a life once lived

I know full well that at 72
this shall no doubt be my last major turn on life’s road
and age is no doubt
magnifying the fear of that decision.

Shades of Christmas past…. or just another dream.

December 22, 2017

….the first thing I notice is it is warm, very very warm, I mean the kind of warm that makes you want to take your shirt off. Next is the pungent smell that fills the air…. you all know the one when your wife, mother or significant other has been cooking a roast in the oven for hours and after a few seconds of breathing in that aroma your mouth begins to water well add that to the heat and a table that is so packed with food that additional foods have to be brought out in waves, and you have yet another late night/early morning dream I am having.

Could it be the fact that it is now almost a month since I last lit up a cigarette and the lack of nicotine is still causing some extremely different dreams or the fact that gaining a lot of weight is the balance side of the stop smoking equation and my mind is trying to deal with the dilemma? Whatever is the reason that dream last night about our annual Christmas dinner at my mothers stirred up a lot of emotions and memories. I think the emotion most unsettling is the feeling of loss. We go through our lives participating in these holiday affairs but never truly understand that there will come a day when we will never have these people with us again.

I could have written a decent posting about the governments new tax bill or the latest scandal the media is in a frenzy over but this is after all almost Christmas day and unlike the world in general who thinks that Christmas is about who can spend the most money on presents there are still a few of us around who know it is about the birth of our Saviour. Maybe not literally the day he was borne but a day marked on a calendar so we will remember his birth.

To me it is a time to tuck away the curmudgeon everyone normally sees, relax a bit and kick back and share in the happiness that our children and grandchildren experience at this time of year.

The dream though vivid
and almost real
is merely a reminder
that what we share this Christmas with our loved ones
will eventually
be nothing more than a memory

Merry Christmas
my family, my friends
and all of you who invest your time in reading my words.

I didn’t write this but I like it!

December 20, 2017

It may be that it is just early in the morning as I sit here and wait to go to my doctors appointment or my mind may not be in gear yet, (not enough coffee), but for whatever reason when I read this piece of poetic mastery about today’s society I knew I had to share it with you.

via Red, White and Boo (a poem)