Changing directions…. living at the end of life’s road

….with the frigid wind howling outside my cabin window drifting the fresh snow to feet instead of inches, I am so glad after almost twenty years living out here on the edge of Alaska’s wilderness that I had acquired over the decades hundreds of books to read, enjoy and learn from. Many was the winter evening I sat by the stove wrapped in an old army blanket so absorbed in a book I little noticed the storm raging just outside my walls. Now living here in Texas it seems the only time I pick up a book is when I spend time in the bathroom.

Books and more books

Accepting the inevitability that my body can no longer handle the rigors of life in the wilderness or for that matter everyday dry-cabin life akin to my daughters situation just outside of Fairbanks Alaska I am, metaphorically, being dragged kicking and screaming into the life of a senior citizen living in the heart of civilization. A new chapter in my life’s story is unfolding in front of me and though for 49 years I did live in civilization to be faced with the reality that this is where I will spend the rest of my life is still daunting.

Also after living for so long alone I will have to resurrect those old interpersonal traits of civility when at times I don’t harbor any good feelings may be a problem. During those years in the woods there was no one to notice when I awoke dragging my knuckles on the floor and growling at anything that moved, now I can’t even open the front door and let off a few ‘stress relieving’ rounds without ending up in jail. The walks by the rivers and streams I once enjoyed in blissful solitude will now be shared on the banks of the lake that surrounds my apartment with hundreds of strangers all looking out for themselves.

Close friends now ever so slowly fading with distance & time

The few close friendships that were forged over years, in Alaska, are now gone or at the very least relegated to email and phone calls. Missing is the nights with one friend and mornings with another spent in give and take discussing the length and breath of our lives and anything that touched them. A spiritually satisfying night in semi darkness discussing God or our deceased loved ones will never happen again and all I can do is think back and hope those talks were not a dream.

So I invite you to journey with me
on this new path for my blog
where
politics and stupidity
take a back seat
to my writing about
the remaining journey
to the
end of the road.

Would I have left if I knew I would never return?

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