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Something is wrong… when reality and depression collide

February 12, 2017
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My old home of 14 years

…back in 1995 something was definitely wrong because the four lane highway had now turned into a street. I had, just a few months ago, traveled North on this same Alaskan highway and never had one problem. However now heading South to the lower forty-eight it looks likely I missed a turn somewhere as the four lane highway now turned into an ever shrinking side street.

That same feeling from 1995 is with me today as I woke up at 10:30 in the morning. Yes I have found that when one is depressed staying in bed asleep definitely makes the day go faster. You have way less time to think about the many possible decisions that lead you to this moment and it also gives you less time to wonder what to do next.

I am sure you have noticed my lack of postings of late especially when the news if ripe with fodder for criticism. From the politically bent five million dollar commercials aired on the super bowl to the blatantly skewed ruling by the ninth circuit court which never addressed the constitutionality of the Presidents actions but ruled on it just the same. Well I have a reason for this funk that has settled over ‘casa-del-pete’ and left whatever creative juices I had locked away, my lease here in Texas is up and this week I must either renew it or give notice I will be leaving.

Many of you who know the story about my 14 years living in that wilderness cabin are saying it is an obvious choice. Because living in that Texas apartment you are close to your son, his wife and grandchildren plus it has electricity, running water, refrigerator and 24/7 internet and phone service. Whereas back at the cabin you had none of those things plus -20 to -30 degree temperatures and yearly snow that went over your knee’s that had to be dug out to move your truck… its a no-brainer isn’t it?

To those people I say you have never spent any extended time in Alaska or else you would understand Alaska is not just another place to live…. it is a state of mind …and as I found during my first trip to Alaska it grabbed a hold of my soul and has to this day not let go. Yes I now have time with my family in Texas and live with many amenities I did not have back in the cabin and yes the weather back in Alaska is at times quite severe but for some unexplained reason while living there those things were just a part of your life… part of being an Alaskan.

Though hard to accept
reality has found
my detour to Alaska
on my life’s road is at an end
and a new and maybe final stretch
of the road of life
now awaits me.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. February 12, 2017 10:25 am

    Alaska is not for everyone – not by any stretch of the imagination – but for those of us whom have felt her touch our souls there can never be another place to truly call ‘home’!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Donna Reynolds permalink
    February 12, 2017 2:51 pm

    I;m sure you miss living in Alaska, it’s a whole other world up there.

    Like

  3. Jon permalink
    February 12, 2017 6:08 pm

    There’s a reason I continue to enjoy this blog, read the News Miner (& now Alaska Dispatch) every day + the Arctic Cam, & several links connected to that including DOT webcams & road reports, weather forecasts, returned to Alaska several times since my pipeline days, enjoyed our honeymoon there in 2001, took an odyssey/adventure in 2015 at a less than desirable time of the year (mid Sept. -Oct.1st) all the way to Prudhoe Bay & down to Homer.

    Like you, Pete, & Forever Alaskan, Alaska is still with me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 14, 2017 8:17 am

      …and it will no doubt remain a part of my soul forever.

      Like

  4. Jon permalink
    February 12, 2017 6:10 pm

    Oh yeah, meeting fine people like Pete & Forever Alaskan & so many other Alaskans of decency, great character, & kindness.

    Like

  5. February 13, 2017 12:21 am

    Perhaps, it’s how secluded, and untouched by modern day civilization the Alaskan wild is, that, is why it appeals to a lot of people, who are, out, searching for who they are, and, sometimes, when you can’t find things to busy yourself with, all those thoughts which you were able to distract yourself from by keeping yourself busy all came back, and, that just means, that you need to, tackle whatever it is you’re currently feeling more actively, instead of just, passively waiting, hoping it will, go away eventually, and, maybe, this is a reminder, that you may need to swtich things up a bit too…hope you feel a whole lot better soon!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • February 14, 2017 8:19 am

      Thanks for the support and no doubt I will adapt but like the loss of a loved one when we finally accept it, it does take time to heal the wound.

      Like

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